I didn’t quite anticipate ‘discovering’ my own body during my guest residency, but it in hindsight it just seems right. Unavoidable in a way, and very worthy of exploring at the Rijksakademie. Physically, this place has brought me to a place where I don’t want to be. At the same time, much more so than my university probably ever would, the Rijksakademie invites me do take my physical situation and include it in what I am doing and making. To embrace it, as it were. An invitation without clear instructions on how to do so.
How to continue?
One of the first ideas that came to mind was to invite a small group of people to collectively explore the question of how to make a broken body into art. Sent the e-mail last week; positive, enthusiastic reactions. Session will take place tomorrow – very much looking forward to that one. Wonder, for instance, to what extent there is a difference between making art with a broken body, making art through a broken body and seeing the broken body as (potential) art in itself.
What else?
Not sure.
Some people advised me to relax first, to give my body a bit of a break. I get that, but it also seems like wasting a perfectly good broken body. I mean, how can you turn your broken body into art when the body is doing just fine? Perverse logic, I know.
Other idea. After waking up with the image of a life size copy of myself, built from nothing but medication, I did some reading on Pharmakon. I remembered it meant both poison and remedy. Turned out there is a third meaning: scapegoat. Intrigued, feel like should do some more exploration in that direction. I already have a name for a work: (mal)perform, the medicated body.
A dance teacher pointed out some work that I would probably find interesting: Meg Stuart/Damaged Goods
The company's name was taken from the first review Stuart received for Disfigure Study in The Village Voice. Burt Supree wrote : "[it's] failure that absorbs Stuart, the body's stubborn, fumbling thickness, its sticky desires and cruel inefficacies. And everyone is shown as damaged goods." Meg Stuart found it a fitting name for her choreographic work that doesn't highlight virtuosity but searches to reveal the hidden world of her dancers as they question themselves on stage.
Fascinating work. Stuart work revolves around “the idea of the uncertain body, one that is vulnerable and self-reflexive”. I think this notion of the uncertain body is perhaps more interesting than the broken body. Less dramatic, and speaking for myself it captures more accurately how I experience my own body, with its unpredictable highs and lows. More to explore there.
In the meantime I talk to advisors. Some of them suggest I should continue to work on the Embodied Letters projects. Others find the broken body project more promising. I really appreciate the different perspectives, but wanting to move forward I wouldn’t mind a bit more overlap.
Sun is shining and I honestly feel that I have touched upon something very rich. Yet I am quite frustrated with how difficult it is to approach this goldmine. And even more so about how I cannot help but think that this project will end this Friday. Of course there are no reasons why I should not or could not continue to explore (this notion of) my uncertain body from April 1st onwards. Other than the fact that I will be away from the Rijksakademie …
Sun is still shining though